


Nan Oerowo (I'm Lonely)

by svtstarlight



Category: VIXX
Genre: Depression, M/M, broken Leo/Haruma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 20:40:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7948327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/svtstarlight/pseuds/svtstarlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lonely and depressed after breaking up with his boyfriend, Miura Haruma, Taekwoon struggles to deal with everything. A chance encounter while on overseas promotions brings everything to a head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nan Oerowo (I'm Lonely)

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda fail at finishing things. Still not done the stories I've been working on for ages, but here I've done this. Ah well... It was for a challenge on AFF, and it was definitely a challenge. Based on the lyrics from Toxic's Lonely, which everyone should watch, for reasons. They need more love. 
> 
> And depression really seriously sucks. Being depressed while writing a story about a character (real or not) having depression didn't really help me much, but if it helps anyone else, then yay? (And no, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Eventually...) 
> 
> But on a serious note, if you find you need help with your depression, please don't hesitate to ask for it, whether it's from a friend, parent(s), doctor, anyone at school or work... There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. *ends psa*

"I'm tired of doing this," Taekwoon said softly, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand. "If you can't make the time to see me..." It didn't escape his notice that the other man had his back to him and it annoyed him. "You know, the least you could do is look at me when I'm talking to you!" 

The other man in the room with Taekwoon turned around and looked at him, his expression impassive. "What do you expect me to say, Leo?" he asked, a noticeable accent in his voice. It was obvious he wasn't Korean, nor was he fluent in the language. But at least he'd been trying. At one point, at least. "I'm busy. You're busy. There's nothing I can do about that." 

"I may be busy, but I still make the time to come and see you as much as I can," Taekwoon replied, his eyes narrowed. "Which is more than you've done in the whole time we've been together. Even when you weren't busy..." 

"Haruma..." Taekwoon sighed. "I think it's just better if we break up. You're obviously not as interested as you said you were, and I don't want a boyfriend who doesn't care as much about me as I do about him." 

He bit his lip to keep from crying. Taekwoon had invested a lot of time and effort in this relationship, wanting to prove to his friends that it would work, that they were wrong when they said Miura Haruma really wasn't worth it. They'd had fun at the beginning, trying to find ways to sneak out to see each other without either of them getting caught, but the thrill had long since gone. 

"I'm sorry, Leo," Haruma said quietly. "I never meant to hurt you. I do care, but not as much as you do, and you're right. You need someone who is there for you, and I can't do that, no matter how much you want me to." He'd switched to Japanese, using words he knew Taekwoon would be able to understand. "I wish you luck in the future." 

"I'll let myself out, and don't worry. Nobody will know I've been here, just like always." He couldn't help the note of bitterness that crept into his voice. Maybe if they'd been able to be more open with their relationship, it might have worked out better, but then again, it might not have. They'd never know, now. "Goodbye, Leo..." 

Taekwoon had turned his back on Haruma, not wanting to see him leave. He could hear the click of the lock as the door closed behind the other man and waited a few more moments before he completely broke down, falling to his knees on the plush carpeting of his hotel room with his hands over his face. It would be a while before the others returned and he could only hope that his tears would be over by then. 

If Hakyeon noticed anything when he returned hours later, he never said, only offering sympathetic looks and a gentle hug before going to the shower to clean up before slipping into bed. Taekwoon wasn't sure whether he was grateful or not, but at least he hadn't made a fuss. That would have been intolerable. He would just have to get over Haruma and move on. Somehow. 

 

They were back in Japan for promotions, and it was almost by accident that they ran into Taekwoon's ex-boyfriend at one of the many TV stations where they had appearances scheduled. Hanging back as the others were introduced, he couldn't help the sullen look on his face when it was his turn, ignoring Hakyeon's pointed looks. If this was how Haruma wanted to play it, then fine. He could do this, but he wasn't going to pretend to be happy about it. 

Taekwoon felt lucky that even in Japan, they knew of his silent-guy reputation and didn't try too hard to push him. He did try his best to pretend he was fine, that he wasn't affected by his former boyfriend pretending not to know him, but it felt as though Haruma was deliberately twisting the knife in his chest. While he knew the TV station staff, and most of the other guests were oblivious, Hakyeon and Wonsik - and Jaehwan, to a certain extent - were not, and went out of their way to take some of the heat off him when they sensed he was reaching breaking point. 

Finally finished, he made excuses and went up to the hotel room he shared with Hakyeon and laid on his bed, an arm thrown over his eyes. The tears came, as he knew they would, and he let them, crying quietly. He'd learned that if he was too obvious about it, the others would get nosy, and that was the last thing he wanted. Loneliness threatened to swamp him, the pain piercing his broken heart. 

Not for the first time, Taekwoon wondered if he'd made a mistake in breaking up with Haruma. Surely seeing him maybe once a month, if he was lucky, had to be better than not seeing him at all. Though he never lacked for others throwing themselves at him (both male and female), Taekwoon turned them all down politely, comparing them unfavourably to his ex-boyfriend. Either they were too talkative, or not talkative enough, overwhelming or too standoffish, or just plain not his type. 

What made Taekwoon feel even worse was the fact that Haruma seemed to have moved on and was unaffected by their breakup at all. Why had he even bothered to ask Taekwoon out if he was just going to throw it all away like this? Hot on the heels of his tears was anger, and Taekwoon sat up, throwing his pillows viciously off the bed, slipping off the bed to tear at the blankets and sheets until his side of the hotel room was a complete mess. 

It was just his luck that as he stood there, breathing hard from his momentary temper tantrum, Hakyeon returned from wherever he'd been with the others, staring at Taekwoon in surprise and not a little dismay. 

"What...?" he began, cautiously stepping forward to pick up a pillow from the floor. "Taekwoon?" The older man picked his way through the mess to stand a little ways from him, his gaze never leaving Taekwoon's face. "What happened?" 

Shaking his head, Taekwoon looked away. What was there he could say? That he'd acted like a child instead of the grown man he was supposed to be? His face pink from a combination of exertion and embarrassment, Taekwoon sighed heavily and sat on the bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands, trying hard not to burst into tears again. A moment later, he felt the bed dip as Hakyeon sat beside him. 

"It was him, wasn't it?" Hakyeon said quietly when Taekwoon remained stubbornly silent. "That Japanese man we met today. He was your ex-boyfriend. The one you didn't want us to know about..." The violent twitch and startled look Taekwoon gave him was all the answer Hakyeon needed. "I knew there was someone," he continued softly. "I didn't know it was him, though." 

"Is he the reason you've been acting so moody the past few weeks?" Hakyeon searched Taekwoon's face and sighed. "I'm not going to say anything, if that's what you're worried about. I'm more concerned about you - we're friends, remember? I care about you. We all do..." 

When Taekwoon still remained silent, Hakyeon sighed again, then bent to retrieve another pillow from the floor. "Let's get this mess cleaned up before one of the managers comes in and sees it, shall we?" he said, trying to sound as normal as he could. "Or worse, Hongbin. You know how he feels about messy rooms..." He nudged Taekwoon. "Come on. You made this mess, help clean it up..." 

Getting to his feet, Hakyeon began to gather up the pillows, his heart aching. Taekwoon was obviously hurting, and for a moment, he hated Miura Haruma for putting his friend through this pain, even though he didn't know the man or the full story. 

"Am I really that awful that he wants to forget about me?" Taekwoon's soft, pain-filled voice startled Hakyeon into dropping the corner of the sheet he'd just picked up off the floor and he turned to stare at the other man. "You saw him. He acted like he didn't even know me. Like he was ashamed of me." 

Taekwoon looked up at Hakyeon, biting at his lip so hard that it bled, tears in his eyes. "I know it was me who broke up with him, but he was the one who didn't want to see me, who kept making excuses whenever I wanted to see him. He just didn't want to make the effort, and I don't want someone like that." 

"No," Hakyeon agreed, dropping everything and going to sit beside him again, this time putting his arm around Taekwoon in an attempt at comforting him. "You don't want or need someone who isn't willing to put in the same effort as you are, no matter who that person is." He sighed. "And you certainly don't need someone who is going to ignore you and pretend he doesn't know you after you break up with him. That was uncalled for." 

"It says a lot more about him than it does about you," he added quietly. "He's not worth it, Taekwoon. Don't waste your time or energy on him." He gently hugged Taekwoon. "You have us, and if you're really that lonely, I know a lot of people I can introduce you to who would just love you..." 

Hakyeon chuckled at the dark glare Taekwoon shot him in response to his offer. "Don't look at me like that. They're nothing like me, I promise. They would be perfect for you, unlike me."

"I'm not that desperate, Hakyeon," Taekwoon grumbled, shaking his head. "I appreciate the offer, but no. I don't want a rebound affair. Just let me get over him on my own time and in my own way." He glanced at the trashed hotel room and winced. "Ok, so maybe not in my own way, but you know what I mean." He turned to Hakyeon and sighed. "I'll be fine. I promise. Just give me a little more time..." 

It was Hakyeon's turn to sigh. "I'll do what I can, but I can't promise anything," he said, returning to the half-hearted clean-up job he'd started. "You're going to have to do your part..." 

"I know." Taekwoon's voice was soft, his words muffled by the hands he'd put over his face again. "Just... leave me alone for now, ok?" 

Shaking his head in frustration, Hakyeon went back to tidying up, piling the pillows, sheets and blankets back on Taekwoon's bed, and then leaving the room after gently patting him on the shoulder. 

"I'll go stay with Jaehwannie and Wonsikkie tonight," he murmured, turning to look at Taekwoon from the door, then closed it behind him, leaving Taekwoon alone with his thoughts. 

 

Taekwoon thought he would have been fine, he honestly would have been, if they hadn't seen Miura Haruma again a few days later at another of their schedules which happened to overlap with his. It took all his hard-won control not to crumble right then and there, and this time, it seemed everyone knew something was off between them. Not that either of them had any choice but to pretend that everything was fine until filming was completed, and they were ready to leave. 

"Aren't you going to ask how I'm doing?" 

Haruma's voice was soft, but it still made Taekwoon flinch. He didn't turn around to look at the other man, however, preferring to remain with his back turned. 

"What's the point?" Taekwoon asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I don't care, and I know you don't really, either." Perhaps, despite the time they'd spent together, they didn't really know each other at all. Maybe that was the problem. "Why would strangers ask something like that of each other?" 

"Taekwoon, I had to," Haruma replied quietly, one hand held out for a moment before he dropped it, though Taekwoon couldn't see it. "If anyone thought we-" 

"Don't bother trying to explain," Taekwoon interrupted him, finally turning around to let the other man see the pain in his eyes. "It makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. If you truly cared, you wouldn't have done it, but you did. Now leave me alone. Do whatever it was you were doing and don't bother me anymore." 

Thankfully Hakyeon rescued him before Haruma could say anything further, giving the Japanese man dirty looks as he took Taekwoon by the hand to lead him out to their waiting car. 

"Are you ok?" Hakyeon asked, shuffling their usual seating arrangements so that he could sit beside Taekwoon, ignoring Jaehwan's triumphant cheering at being given the pride of place in the front seat. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" He looked worriedly at Taekwoon, his hand on the younger man's thigh to try and comfort him. 

Shrugging apathetically, Taekwoon turned away, putting in his earbuds, turning his music on, and closing his eyes, shutting everyone else out, including Hakyeon. He didn't want to talk to or deal with anyone right now until he could trust himself not to break down again. But at least now he'd seen Haruma and gotten some semblance of closure. Maybe it would be enough and he'd eventually go back to normal. Or as normal as anyone ever got, being a member of VIXX. 

That thought made Taekwoon smile faintly, though he hid it from Hakyeon. He'd never hear the end of it otherwise and he needed the peace and quiet desperately. Hearing the usual chaos, even with his music on, Taekwoon let it lull him to sleep, thinking that perhaps he wasn't as lonely as he thought he was. Not when he had his friends around him.


End file.
